Date: March 5
From: Village President
To: George McConnell
Subject: Re: Georgenson Visit
Well George, you’re really proving to be a lot more to handle than I had expected. I thought that offering to have Dave Jenson drive you over there, since he had to bring the fence and everything anyways, and don’t worry - he’s not putting it up No sireee. Cyril said he’d take care of putting it up, but since Dave was on his way there, and you seemed unsure of how to get there, well, I thought it was a good idea to have you car pool, as they say.
Maybe on your next application, you should say something about your issues with animals, since that seems to be a recurring problem of yours. That’s okay George, since not everyone can be an animal guy. Guess that’s why you like the water so much, huh?
And I should point out that maybe on the next rental car, you should go with the damage waiver. I mean if you’re going to be so accident prone, you should at least be prepared. Dave did say that he was impressed at how nimble you were in avoiding Wally’s badger. That’s good, too, because otherwise Wally would have been devastated. He had to wrestle the thing out of his mother’s hands before she cooked it up, and ever since then, they’ve been inseparable. Dave said that if that fence hadn’t started to unroll off the roof, you may have managed to stay on the road, but at least you didn’t hit the tree too hard. My brother will get over it. I mean, it’s barely scratched, unlike what’s left of the front of your car. Well, at least you didn’t hurt your hand again, and I’ve heard that whiplash doesn’t last as long as folks say. You should be out of the neck brace in no time.
Did you get a chance to look at the tree after the tow truck pulled your car away from it? My brother will handle this a lot better if he knew that at least you see what he’s concerned about. Did you see the rough patches on the bark, and where it looks a little like mildew?
Well, let us know and I understand your not coming back to the office after the accident. Course, Berta will probably bring it up at the next board meeting. She’s concerned that you seem to be taking a lot of liberties with our sick leave policy, but don’t worry. She’s probably just mad that you didn’t hit the badger. It once tried to eat her shiatsu.
Rest up over the weekend George and we’ll see you on Monday.
Date: March 8
From: Village President
To: George McConnell
Subject: Re: Rental Car
Well, I’m real sorry to hear about the delay with the new rental car, but those insurance agents can be real sticklers. I guess hauling a fence on the roof wasn’t such a great idea, huh? Usually Dave’s ideas are real good ones, but then again, if you hadn’t been so headstrong about driving, this wouldn’t be an issue. Bridge under the water and all though, right George? And I hear that your neighbor Mildred is loaning you some transportation.
Again, I’m sure that you’ll get another car soon, but in the meantime, if you could manage to get a good look at that tree, my brother would be pretty pleased. He’s gotten comfortable that the tree isn’t suffering any apparent lasting effects from your collision but he’s still certain that the tree isn’t well at all.
And when you’re over there, you may want to take a look at Cyril’s holy luminary, as they’ve taken to calling it. It’s getting quite the notoriety. I heard that he’s drawing quite a crowd these days. Some say that almost 15 people were there over the weekend. So you see, that fence is real important George, so it’s not like it was for nothing. Course, I don’t think Cyril’s gotten around to setting it up or anything but maybe you can help him with it, when you ride over there.
Good luck George and make sure to wear a helmet. We don’t want any more accidents. You only get 5 sick days a year and you’ve almost used them all up.
